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January 25th, 2010 - 2:37 pm § in Things Australians Love

#20 The Hottest 100

So every year on January 26, all Australians (with a healthy appreciation of music, that is) unite round the BBQ for a fair few hours listening to Triple J (an ABC radio station) counting down the ‘hottest’ 100 tunes from the last year. The Hottest 100, since 1989, has become such a staple in Australian summer culture that, one cannot begin to contemplate listening to the countdown unless in a group of more than 4 people – anything that constitutes a ‘party’, ‘get together’ ‘piss up’ or  ‘pool party’. One cannot listen alone, for fear of being branded (rightly so) a loser. Australians love listening and guessing which song will come next, and indeed, seeing if their ‘gathering’ will be honoured to receive a call from one of their ‘mates’ at Triple J, calling to see how maggot everyone is. This is often highly amusing for the rest of Australia listening to a highly inebriated gen Y specimen trying its very hardest not to utter expletive after expletive live on National radio – something that always ends in a barrage of four letter words, fear not!

The tension hits a high when the top 10 starts, when everyone tries to remember what they voted for and what tracks have already been. You will always get one member of the group who, not overly educated about triple J’s playlist, will claim he or she knows what will be ‘pretty high’ and on asking what they think, will almost always say ‘Pink’ or ‘Michael Buble’, to which everyone else hurls all manner of abuse and beer cans at them, safe in the knowledge that they will not be back next year listening to this ‘alternative crap’, but will instead be home (alone) listening to Kyle Sandilands insulting people whilst introducing the new single by Shaggy.

Past winners of the coveted No. 1 slot have been Nirvana in ’91, Jet in 2003, Franz Ferdinand in 2004, Muse (2007), Powderfinger, and Kings of Leon last year. Not bad, granted, until you look back at one winner ‘Pretty Fly for a white guy’!! Not even going to dignify that with writing the name of the ‘band’ on this blog. (STOP PRESS – this isn’t an Australian music countdown people, so don’t complain if an International artist wins this year). The only real debate is not if commercial hip hoppers The Hilltop Hoods will feature in the top 20, it’s how many of their female sample ‘crazy frog’ like tunes will be in there.

If you attend a gathering on Australia Day, regardless if you are Australian or not, you will have to listen to it. If your host has control of the stereo and is playing Cafe Del Mar or the vomit inducing Triple M tripe stations*, you must make it your mission for the next 5 minutes (don’t over think it) to re tune that motherfucker to Triple J, or fear having the worst Australia Day of your life.

*The coffers at these commercial stations must all listen in for clues as to what they can put on their playlists for the new year, oblivious to the fact that the Hottest 100 is a celebration and recap of the best (most popular) music of the past year!!


January 25th, 2010 - 2:36 pm § in Things Australians Love

#19 Australia Day

January 26th, for all Aussies, is Australia Day. This day celebrates all things Aussie (has been known to generate some good pissed arguments – what does it celebrate!?) – first landings, first gaol, first settlement, first meat pie eaten, first hottest 100 countdown or the first game of backyar[...]


January 25th, 2010 - 10:55 am § in Things Australians Love

#18 Meat Pies

They are full of fat, gristle, lips & arseholes, jelly and gravy of varying viscosity. Some pies have no structural integrity and will collapse as soon as they are bitten into, causing molten gravy to stream down your hands like lava, resulting in third degree burns and a brown stain on your fre[...]


December 24th, 2009 - 10:48 am § in Things Australians Love

#17 Pub Rock

When Australians aren’t chugging on a bong, surfing or not winning The Melbourne Cup or meat raffles, they can be seen ‘getting their goats up’ standing in a beer sodden, vomit ridden pub worshipping the amateur rock outfit deemed cheap enough to appear on that particular night. There’s no d[...]


December 21st, 2009 - 10:28 am § in Things Australians Love

#16 Council Cleanup

My walk from home to the bus stop takes about 10 minutes. This morning it took 25 minutes on account of all the shit strewn over the pavement. It’s both treacherous and a veritable feast of wonderment! Australians love the time when they get to throw out all manner of useless/old crap from their g[...]


December 1st, 2009 - 5:47 pm § in Things Australians Love

#15 The Idea of Surfing

There are countless numbers of Aussies out there who love talking about surfing, but who have absolutely no idea what skill is involved in standing up on a board, let alone standing up on one whilst being thrust forwards by the force of mother-nature. These people love the idea of surfing, and the t[...]


November 11th, 2009 - 10:36 am § in Things Australians Love

#14 Meat raffles

In the blistering heat of a January afternoon in Australia in the beer garden, when the beer goes warm before it comes out of the taps and the flies can barely summon up the energy to hassle you, what better way to pass the time than with a meat raffle? It gets to that point in [...][...]