My walk from home to the bus stop takes about 10 minutes. This morning it took 25 minutes on account of all the shit strewn over the pavement. It’s both treacherous and a veritable feast of wonderment! Australians love the time when they get to throw out all manner of useless/old crap from their garages, wardrobes, ‘seemed like a good idea at the time’ rooms and just leave it on the street, transforming the usually clean neighbourhoods into something resembling a favela (but without the Bossa Nova and leggings). This is known as Council Cleanup – a time when the local council comes round and, well, cleans up. This is a double opportunity for residents. It’s a time when that broken glass in the garage can just go out on the pavement, but it’s ok, it won’t hurt anyone or deface the neighbourhood because exactly 12 minutes after leaving it outside you can guarantee it’ll be gone, destined to end up on eBay within the hour. You see, not only can you get rid of all sorts of stuff, but you can pick through the old tyres and bits of wood like a hobo and grab yourself a free addition to your home or two. Ever wanted a urine (or other fluids) stained mattress or a broken office chair? Every council cleanup has these and you can bet there’s going to be a VCR player or an old TV somewhere with the words ‘I work’ written in permanent marker on a label stuck to the top.
The best pickings can be found in the more affluent areas, with TV’s being thrown out that were new about 4 years ago, as opposed to in ‘other’ areas where you need a crane to get the ancient TV’s on offer home!
For those not from Australia, the site of people’s unwanted stuff must be something of a turn off from the sun drenched golden images they’re used to seeing of Australia, but once they realise they too can get a rusty lethal microwave oven that emits more radiation than Chenobyl for their share house they’re down there sifting through the wreckage as fast as any Aussie (I’ve even seen Brazilians move quite fast during council cleanup).
Of course there are those who abuse this golden time by putting old flea infested chairs outside your house weeks in advance (they never put them outside their own house) which of course then acts as a crap magnet and before too long you’ve got a mound of broken furniture and useless electricals piled up outside your window. There’s never anything of use outside your own home however, guaranteed you will be 10 minutes from home when you come across an exercise bike from 1963 that looks good enough but weighs a ton, but you must have it, now. Will you go and get the car and risk someone else bagging themselves this addition to your life that will transform you, not like that AB King Pro you put outside your house last night? No, you can’t risk it, so, like everyone else, you drag it up the street, glad that you live in a Country that shares its shit with everyone, in the open, no shame. Gotta love Australia!